Sex, Innocence, and Anger

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“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and as he slept God took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, the Lord God made a woman, and brought her unto the man.” Gen 2:21 – 22

Eve arrives fully formed and sexually mature. She’s a light-skinned blonde, and Adam is swarthy. They both have a built-in knowledge of language, but are otherwise pleasure-seeking child-adults, totally innocent of good or evil. They will eat manna that rains down daily, cookie-dough-like balls that taste good, provide nourishment, prevent illness, repair damaged bodies, and keep all the people and animals from aging. Manna also inhibits female ovulation and male ejaculation, thus keeping everyone in Eden from begetting, but not from being sexual. Thank God.

* * *

Eve opens her eyes to see a man lying on the ground, eyes closed. Is he sleeping? She squats and shakes him.

He opens his eyes and blinks. “Hello? Who are you?”

Her mouth, new to the task, forms the words slowly. “I’m Eve.”

He gets up, introduces himself, and shakes her hand. “Pleased to meet you.” He looks to the heavens. “Thanks, God, for answering my prayers.”

She looks around. “What’s the name of this place?”

“Eden. The Garden of Eden.”

“I like the sound of it.” She sees black-and-white striped animals nearby. “What are those?”

“I call them zebras. Made it up myself.”

“I like the buzz of it,” she says. “So what do we do now?”

“My guess is our job is to name things. Like, I call that green stuff you’re standing on, grass.”

She claps her hands in delight. “Fantastic! Can we do it together?”

“Why not?” He smiles.

They wander through the garden exploring and naming things. They’ve given names to dirt, water, sky, sun, and a bunch of animals. “Those over here are fruit trees.” He plucks a low-hanging pear and gives it to her. “Eat it. It’s good.”

She takes a bite. “Yummy.”

“Yeah, but stay away from the apples in the middle of the garden. God says they’ll kill us.”

She shakes her head. “God forbid.”

As they explore, they see a bear screwing its mate. He has a silly expression, with rolling eyes and tongue hanging out. Watching makes Eve’s tummy tingle. “What’s it doing?”

“I don’t know, but they seem to enjoy it.”

The bear lets go and sits on the grass, looking happy as his red thing sticks out.

“What’s that?” she asks.

“I call that a thing.” He looks down. “I have one, too. I use it to express waste water that I call pee.”

“I don’t have one of those.” She points.

He looks. “It’s cute, but featureless.”

“Yes, compared to you.”

* * *

Later, the sun makes her back itch. “Adam? Could you scratch?”


“Ah, yes. Right there. Um, that’s good.”

“You certainly have nice skin,” he says, running his hands around her body.

“Yours is coarse and hairy,” she says, “but nice in its own way.”

“It’s what God gave me.” He touches her. “What’s this?”

“I call it my breast.”

He looks down at his chest. “We’re different that way.”

“I guess. Touch it again. I like how it feels.”

He does and laughs. “Look at you, Eve. You’re little pink buttons are standing up.”

“They’re nipples. You have them, too. I don’t know what they do, but I believe that God has given us things to find out what they’re for.”

* * *

That evening, they return to the grassy hillside where they were born and sit to watch the sun setting. “Pretty,” he says.

“Yeah. It’s getting a little chilly. Why don’t we hold each other to keep warm.” She moves close.

“Hey, good idea,” he says. “You’re useful.”

Comforted by his presence, Eve falls asleep for the first time.

* * *

The next morning, Eve wakes up on the grass and looks over at Adam to see him rhythmically pulling his thing. It’s fascinating. In a few minutes, he moans and quits. Concerned, crawls over to him. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, yes, thank you. I’m fine.”

“Why were you doing that?”

“I don’t know. I just started and didn’t want to stop. It felt great, but then the feeing left me, so I stopped.”

She thinks for a minute. “I believe I’ll call that masturbation.”

“Masturbation? What an ugly word. Let’s call it tugging.”

“Whatever.” She touches herself. “Hey, I’m slimy. Yuck.”

“Let’s see.” He reaches over and touches her. “By golly, bahis siteleri you sure are. God works in mysterious ways.”

“Hmm,” she says. “Touch it again and rub it a little.”

“Okay.” He does it for a while.

It feels really nice, but then he stops. “Hey, don’t stop,” she says.


“I don’t know. It feels good, maybe like you when you tug.”

“Could be. I felt a little thing down there, sort of like mine.” He leans over to look. “Very strange. You’re wrinkled. Did you hurt yourself?”

“No. That’s how I am. Will you please continue?”

He does and she really likes it, but he pulls away, rotating his wrist. “I’m getting tired.”

“Men!” she says, and reaches down continue. After she gets the hang of it, the good feelings grow into an intense pleasant sensation. “Wow,” she says afterward. “I think I just masturbated.”

“I guess you did.” His thing is sticking up, and he’s half-heartedly tugging on it.

“Are you going to tug it again?” she asks.

He quits. “No, it’s too soon.”

She looks down at her little thing. It’s buried under a blanket of skin. “I think I’ll call it a clitoris. It’s great to be learning so many new things. What do you want to do now?”

“Let’s go exploring. There are still a lot of animals to name.”

“Okay.” They get up and she takes his hand.

* * *

That night, after a busy day of naming animals and things, they sit down to pick up some manna for dinner. There’s another beautiful sunset, and she leans against him. “I love it here.”

“Me too.”

“Masturbating makes me think that something is missing, ” she says.

“Yeah, me too. I keep wanting to put it someplace.”

“It’s still light,” she says. “Let’s try.”

“Okay. Where first?”

“Um, under that rock.”

By his reaction, she can tell that doesn’t work at all. Neither does putting it in the stream. There’s a hole in the tree, but it only scratches him.

“It seems like it wants to go in a hole,” he says. “Like my hand when I tug.”

She gets an idea. “Why don’t you slide it along butt crack?”

He shrugs. “Weird idea, but we can try. Lie down on your tummy.”

She does, and it feels strange having him there.

He tries and now she feels something missing, so she raises her butt.

“Oh, slime,” he says. “I like that.”

His thing slides around for a while, and suddenly goes in a different place that hurts.

“Ouch,” she says, pulling away.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” He sits on his haunches.

“It’s all right.”

“I’m not done,” he says. “What else can we do?”

“Um–my mouth is a hole. Do you think that would work?”

“We could try.”

So she does and he does and it seems to work well. At the end, she can feel his thing pulsating.

They’re both amazed.

* * *

The next morning, she wakes up on the grass to see him tugging again. She remembers yesterday and idly rubs herself. Pretty soon, she’s seriously masturbating and making sounds.”

He crawls over. “I’m done now. Can I help?”

She stops. “How?”

“I could put my mouth on yours like you did mine.”

“Sounds interesting. Try it.”

When he does, her hips move reflexively and it feels terrific. Soon that great pleasant feeling overtakes her, even better than before. Afterward, she lies tingling. “Oh, my God. That was wonderful. Let’s try it again.”

“So soon?”

“Yes, please.”

He sighs and continues. She drifts with pleasure until he takes her to another delicious ending.

“You’re amazing,” he says. “I can’t double finish like that. I have to wait. Let’s call it finishing.”

“Too ambiguous,” she says. “We’ll call it having an orgasm, we can call the process, having sex.”

“Orgasm? Where do you get all these awkward words? Let’s call it coming.”

She shrugs.

* * *

They spend a long day naming flora and fauna, and then come home to rest.

“Lets do sex again,” Eve says. “I really like it. This time, put your thing down there while I lie on my back.” She puts her knees up.

“I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.”

So he starts, but when he hits the resistance and halts, she grabs his hips and pulls him into her. She bites her lip from the sharp pain, and then feels the wonderful pleasure of him inside, better than seventh heaven. She comes quickly and keeps going for number two. When he comes, canlı bahis she’s so happy. “I somehow think that little door in me was supposed to be opened and that we are doing God’s will through our pleasures.”

“Praise the Lord,” he says.

By accident, their lips come together, and they have their first kiss. They do it again, and it’s deeply satisfying. She holds him tight, so happy.

* * *

From then on, they have a lot of fun experimenting. There’s a special thrill each time she finds something new. She invents the word anal sex, but favorite is sitting on top. Everyday, she thanks God for giving her this wonderful life.

* * *

One morning, Eve goes to the middle of the garden to see what a forbidden apple looks like. Suddenly, a python drops down from a tree, startling her.

“Hello, Eve, he says in a hiss-laden voice. “I heard you’re looking for some new kind of sss-sex. I can help.”

“How?” His body is smooth with no obvious equipment.

He waggles his tail. “With this-sss.”

“You’ve got to be kidding. No way. It’s too big around.”

“It’s-sss pointed and guaranteed to go in eas-sss-ily.”

She wonders if size matters? “How would it work?”

“Lie on your back with your knees-sss up, and I’ll sss-show you.”

She does and he wraps himself around her leg. He’s heavy and slithery. His head grins back from her feet while he inserts his tail.

She feels it stretch, stretch, stretch. “Oh. Oh, my goodness.” She has a quick little orgasm. “Thanks, Snake. That was sweet. You can get off, now.”

But he doesn’t. He holds her and keeps going.

“Whoa, what are you doing? Come on, let me go.” She’s got to admit, it feels pretty good, so she shuts up and rides along until the next orgasm.

“Okay,” she says, panting. “Now I’m really done, so would you quit already?”

He ignores her.

She gives up and drifts from one orgasm to the next until she can can’t come anymore. Only then does he release her and slither away with an evil grin. She lies there, sore and too tired to move. After a long while, she gets up to go home.

She’s upset as she sits next to Adam and tells him what happened.

“Why did he do that?” he asks. “I don’t like it.”

“I don’t know. I never met a snake before.”

“Well, stay out of the center of the garden.”

“I’ll try.”

“You’ll try? What does that mean?”

“I’m afraid of him. He has a power over me.”

Adam shakes his head. That night, Adam wants sex. She lets him, but she’s too tired and not really there. Afterward, he says it wasn’t very good. She apologizes.

The next morning, he leaves and she stays home to masturbate and think about the snake. The fantasy grabs her and carries her to embarrassing orgasms. Afterward, she’s sick with herself, but the next day, she does it again because she can’t help herself. The worst part is that she can’t come anymore with Adam.

That night, he asks what the problem is. “Have you been with the snake again?”

“No, but I can’t get him out of my mind. He frightens me, and at the same time, I’m drawn to him. I don’t know what to do.”

He caresses her arm. “My poor Eve.”

His kindness shames her and she cries. “I feel awful. He’s so powerful. He could squeeze me to death if he wanted. He gave me a thrill I was helpless to stop, and ever since I’ve been obsessed with him.”

“You’re saying you want to do it again?”

Her tummy flutters. “Yes.”

“I see. You need to get him out of your system.”

“Yes, but how?”

“I’ll go with you and tell him to stop when you’re through.”

“Oh, Adam, you’re wonderful. I’m so lucky to have you.

* * *

The next morning, they go to the python’s tree and find him hanging down with an apple in his mouth. He mumbles for her to take it.

“Don’t do it,” Adam says. “Remember God’s warning.”

She takes and examines it. So that’s what an apple looks like. “I can’t believe the God who loves and protects us would put something within reach to kill us.”

“It won’t kill you,” the snake says. “It’s-sss not poison. It’s-sss the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil.”

“How bizarre. What does it do, send you to school?”

“No. It’s harmless-sss. Go ahead. If you take a bite, I’ll do you with my tail again.”

“Throw it away, Eve,” Adam says.

But she’s dripping with anticipation and bites the apple as she lies down. The snake chortles and slithers around her leg. güvenilir bahis She’s so excited that she comes at the touch of his tail. The apple falls aside.

Adam picks it up. “Your sin is my sin, so I will eat of the apple, too.” He finishes it.

She is so moved, but being already past the point of no return, she gives herself to the snake’s overpowering strength and rides to a series of throbbing orgasms. Finally satisfied, she tells the snake to quit.

The snake ignores her.

“She said to stop,” Adam says in a menacing voice.

The snake keeps going.

Adam tries to pull it away, but it’s too strong. He tries to stomp its head, but the snake just grins and dodges.

Screaming in frustration, Adam runs away.

She can’t believe it. What will she do now? Her thrill has died, and she lies there suffering the snake’s continuing assault.

Adam comes back with a sharp rock and plunges it into the snake’s body. The snake gets mad, unwraps itself in a flash, and wraps itself around Adam. Together, they fall to the ground.

Eve sits up, aghast as Adam turns red from the squeezing. But Adam fights back and manages to pin the snake’s head against the ground. With his last possible movement, he shoves the rock into the snake’s eye, and farther, into its brain.

The snake hisses like a waterfall, but won’t let go. Adam passes out, and slowly the snake’s coils loosen, one at a time.

Eve jumps up and drags Adam away. He’s not breathing, so she pushes hard on his chest, again and again until he gasps and opens his eyes.


She kisses him and cries as she hugs him. “I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.”

“Where is the snake?” he gasps.

“Over there. He’s not moving. I think you killed him.”

He sits up. “Oh, my God, what have we done?”

The sky turns dark and rumbles.

“What’s the big deal, God?” Eve screams to the heavens. “It was self defense. There’s no sin in orgasms, and one little apple can’t mean that much.” She helps Adam up and assists him as they walk home.

Adam limps. “Eating the apple was symbolic of our disobedience to God.”

“Yeah. Well, if he has any sense of justice, he’ll forgive us this one time. Hey, God, be cool, okay?” she shouts. “I’m through with the snake. I promise to avoid temptation from now on.”

God doesn’t answer.

“Shit, what a grouch,” she says. “I hope he’ll forgive me.”

“It’ll be okay, Honey. I forgive you, even if God doesn’t.”

Going home, Eve observes that the manna lying around is evaporating in little steamy puffs. Some places are completely bare. By evening, there’s not a speck of manna left, and they’re getting hungry. The animals, too. For the first time, they frighten Eve.

That night, she and Adam climb a tree for safety. They can’t have sex there, but Eve wants to thank him for his kindness, so she masturbates him. When he comes, gooey white stuff spurts out on her hand and legs. Yuck. “What do you think it is?” She tastes some. It’s bland.

“I don’t know. Everything’s changing.”

The next day, they search for something to eat. They look for fruit in the trees, but the monkeys have eaten it all. Later, she discovers watermelons, and Adam discovers carrots. At least they’re something.

The grass is beginning to yellow, but the worst part is watching the lion kill the lamb.

Eve wonders, what kind of God would do this to everybody for her one mistake? Some kind of neurotic control freak, determined to make his point, no matter what the cost. Pisses her off.

They find a hiding place to sleep in the center of some bushes. “There’s no find food in the garden. We’re going to have to leave tomorrow morning,” Adam says.

She knows he’s right. She feels so bad and so unfairly punished, she can’t stop crying. He holds he and pets her while she falls asleep in his arms.

The next morning, she wakes up before him. The violet clouds of dawn give her hope. Maybe she can make love with him. Yes, that’s what it is, making love. Excited at the prospect, she reaches down to rub herself in preparation. It feels different. She pulls her hand away to see dark blood, and screams.

Adam sits up. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m bleeding!” She points.

He crawls over. “Yes, there’s blood, but I don’t see any wound. Do you hurt anywhere?”

“No. I’m scared.”

He pulls her to him. “I know it’ll be all right.”

Comforted, she tells him her idea about making love. “It’s not just sex anymore because I love you,” she says.

He kisses her. “I love you, too. Do you think God wants us to do it while you’re bleeding?”

“Fuck God. I’m through with him. Just make love to me.”

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