Not Quite What He’d Planned For

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I am indebted to the kindness of a good friend – AB – for help with writing this and am most grateful for his assistance. It is entirely a work of fiction and resemblance to real persons, living or otherwise, is totally coincidental. I have posted this elsewhere so apologies if you met with it before. However I hope you enjoy it.


The director yells “cut” yet again. Jonah apologises sheepishly. What should have been a simple shoot for this advert is now in danger of running into a fourth hour. Something just keeps preventing Jonah from getting through the whole 30-second bit in one take.

And now he has swigged so much of this new energy drink – Black Mamba – that he is beginning to fear what it might be doing to his insides. His belly bubbles furiously with gas and at the back end of his lengthy urethra, his bladder is feeling close to full.

The shoot has to be in the can in another half-hour. The director, a slim, pretty woman from Manhattan in her early 30s grows impatient as Jonah requests a ‘lunch’ break. His plea,

“Can we take a break now?”

Falls on deaf ears and she orders him to carry on with the shoot.

He grits his teeth. Not what he wanted to hear. What a bitch! He eyes what will be his sixth can of Black Mamba with trepidation. A few swigs from this will push the morning’s fluid intake well over the over the 2 litre mark if the Evain he sipped on the Metro is taken into account. That, of course, is without even considering that rather large mug of breakfast coffee.

Everyone takes their places. Jonah’s role entails him walking from one side of the set – a replica of a two-bedroom apartment – to the other. This will no longer be easy for several very good reasons, something makes the director cry “cut” yet again immediately as he walks into shot. Clearly he’s having some difficulty walking. His mammoth penis is now prominently engorged inside his pants and it’s distracting her as it has done all morning.

The director lady comes over. She is as visibly flustered as he is. Not only is she facing a failed shoot but she is being confronted by the trouser peg of all trouser pegs. It bounces and strains against the fabric of his leather jeans. Two thoughts occur to her. Firstly she can’t help wondering what it must be like to have a penis that size inside her and tries to put the thought out of her mind. Secondly it occurs to her that he’s been downing cans of that energy drink all morning without taking any comfort breaks. There is another bulge above his waistline which, if not completely absent, was nowhere near as prominent when they began filming over three hours earlier. She demands an explanation. Jonah apologises as profusely as he sweats, telling her that the burgeoning flood inside his bladder can only be contained now with a little self-stimulation between takes.

She agrees, noting that his urine-filled bladder must also be rubbing against his prostate. Realising what Jonah’s earlier request for a lunch break was really about, she allows him five minutes to find and use a bathroom. His relief is palpable. He remembers with fondness the enormous, amazingly relieving wee which took whilst showering at 7.00am, releasing eleven hours’ worth of glorious, golden pent up pee. They’d started filming at ten and, despite the passage of some three hours enjoying taking that glorious early morning relief, he’d felt fine at the time. Fine, that is in the sense of having no real need to use the bathroom although he could effortlessly have obliged if, as happened in some studios, he’d been asked to supply a water sample ahead of filming.

Three hours on and it’s one o’clock – the hour at which most civilised people break for lunch – and he’s feeling rather differently. At eleven he’d begun to sense a noticeable need to pee, albeit one he could ignore, but by noon with a couple more cans inside him he was growing desperate and now he was getting frantic.

Grateful for being excused, he is thus allowed five minutes to find and use a bathroom. Trouble is, he has no idea where one is. He exits the studio. No-one’s around. He feels free to grab his crotch with both hands, squeezing his lengthy urethra shut through his tight leather trousers. He runs in an extremely fidgety manner down the corridor, past other studios, but not a men’s room in sight. He belches obscenely a couple of times, the gas in his belly still not settled. He’s used up one minute already getting to the end of the corridor and panics somewhat. There is a men’s room somewhere, possibly, on the next corridor. Hopefully it’s not too far. He doesn’t like to be that close to pissing himself without knowing precisely where a facility is to be found.

Jonah turns right. Unfortunately for him, the gents were to the left.

As he runs along in a curious half-crouch, bent double, already halfway through undoing his flies and feels his urethral opening spasming and his bladder bulging in all directions with the pressure of almost 2 litres of unreleased pee dikmen escort he fails to spot and trips over a over a ‘Caution Wet Floor’ sign. He tumbles and lands right on his extremely full bladder. A couple of spurts of urine escape from his urethral pipe, but he squeezes hard and manages to clamp off before any more escapes. For him that was no small achievement. Experimenting in the past with releasing a couple of spurts to ease pressure on a distended bladder he’d found it rarely worked well. Generally he’d ended up pissing himself, and struggled to avoid the understandable conclusion that he was an ‘all or nothing’ man. Today however luck was on his side and he managed to avoid the worst case scenario – temporarily at least.

Unfortunately, his landing in the big puddle left his crotch area looking like an accident had happened. It wasn’t helped by swivelling onto his buttocks. Alas the fall also dislodged some more of the terrific quantities of gas in his belly. He felt a massive fart coming along. Jonah clenched his anus to keep from farting but in doing so sent his huge cock springing out of his flies. From choice he preferred flieless pants but the studio had been quite specific that for this particular shoot he’d have to wear ones with flies.

At that precise moment, a woman came round the corner looking for the ladies room – blond, petite but round in the boobs and butt. Unable to control himself completely Jonah released another couple of large pee spurts and she was hit in the eye by them. She hadn’t initially noticed Jonah and didn’t realise what exactly has happened, but was shocked and temporarily blinded.

Jonah, in a state of shock himself, covered his large cock and dived into the ladies. However, the woman he’d just inadvertently hit in the eye with his piss was on the warpath. She angrily followed Jonah into the ladies, demanding to know who the ‘prankster’ was.

“Come out! I know you’re in here!” she yelled as she entered. Jonah had retreated into the furthest of the cubicles and found himself crouching on top of the bowl, shivering with fear of being discovered in this position; in the ladies room with his enormous cock hanging out of his trousers. To make his situation even worse, he was hovering right over the salvation that his extremely full bladder so desperately needed but felt unable to pee. Even more desperate to piss and fart than ever, he peed.

“Can’t… hold it… anymore…” whimpered Jonah and his cock lets forth a powerful stream. With his erection it shot up over the top of the cubicle and sprayed all over the ceiling and room immediately outside.

Momentarily he lost in blissful relief but, after half-emptying, realised where it was all going. He grabbed his cock and tried to angle it downwards into the bowl. All could manage though was to point it so that the stream shot under the door. Then he turned round and tried to point it at the bowl. Instead he slipped and hit his head on the door. His long pee continues spraying wildly, now over himself. By the time he’d finished, all 2 litres in his bladder had emptied everywhere but into the toilet. The blond woman who followed him into the ladies was stunned, as was the girl in the other stall. The whole bathroom stank of Jonah’s piss and he lay dazed in one enormous puddle.

When he finally came to, Jonah found that he was stark naked. The blond woman had taken her revenge for spraying his urine in her eye. Thankfully, he had none of his valuables in his trousers. But he knew he must return to the set with only minutes left of the shoot and no clothes on. Although it’s not his thing at all, Jonah proposed to resume filming the ad nude and his offer was gratefully accepted. A couple of advertising bods actually believed this is a brilliant idea and went off to write some new commercials, the shooting of which over the coming week will keep the crew in bread for several months.

Luckily the crew got over their initial shock at his appearance and decided to honour him with a round of drinks. He politely declined any offers of alcohol as preferred not to drink at lunchtime, but kindly accepted two pints of Diet Coke and was delighted to be told that a box of 12 bottles of excellent Chilean Merlot would be delivered to his apartment the next day along with enough of the Black Mamba energy drink to keep him happy for a year.

Later on he collected his coat and takes a pair of sandals for his feet. With his belly sloshing full of Diet Coke, he decided to set off for Starbucks ten blocks over to begin his date with a female admirer.

Approaching Starbucks and what he hoped would be relief, Jonah spotted Carla. A dashing hot brunette model. She’d done adverts for Pepsi, and appeared in Madonna videos. She was worth $48 million dollars and had her own show on MTV. They’d skped a couple of nights ago and the recognition was instant.

“Hiya! Jonah?”

“Hi Carla. How’s it going?”

“Absolutely, totally gonzoed. OMG! You would not believe emek escort the morning I’ve had.”

Jonah could feel his cock stiffening at the sight of Carla and felt the sap rising as three days’ supply of cum started to ease itself into his urethra. It temporarily relieved the desire to pee, a fact for which he was more than a little thankful. He’d had a bit of play first thing thinking about today’s date but didn’t cum. He didn’t always. It invariably heightened the pleasure when he finally did.

“Tell me all about it, Carla. What are you having to drink by the way.?”

“I don’t mind really. I am dying of thirst. Five hours of pouting brings me out into a major sweat. A large cappuccino would be good.”

Despite being painfully aware of his growing need to pee, Jonah thought it wouldn’t seem right if he settled for a small coffee whilst Carla drank what was in effect a bucketload. He wasn’t one to be outdone if it could be helped.

“Oh well in that case I’ll have an extra large Americano, thank you. With milk please. Maybe we can share one of those enormous cookies. Anyhow tell me about your day.”

“Oooh, been cooped up on a soundstage for hours on end, wearing nearly nothing, all for a foul German beer. I could barely stand the taste of it. It made me thirstier than I was before.”

“Sounds fun. How much of this fould German beer did you have to drink? Tell me more, Carla.”

“I don’t know. One sip was too much. Thankfully they were kind enough to put me in a dressing room with a bathroom afterwards so I could be sick. Some people on these shoots don’t get that benefit. How on Earth must they cope, just drinking and drinking and drinking for hours on end without a bathroom nearby?”

“With great difficulty. You were a good deal luckier than I was. I was doing some filming for an ad for an energy drink which overran and I ended up having a rather late lunch. Put it this way, my bladder didn’t like it, especially as I had to drink a couple of litres of the stuff. That’s not counting the drinks I’d had earlier either.”

“OMG! TMI! LOL! Oh, you poor thing, I had no idea. That must have been awful. Ooooh, you must be feeling relieved now.”

“Yes the relief when it finally came was amazing, although it wasn’t quite what I’d have planned.”

“Hmmmm, now I’m intrigued. Tell me more…”

“Well it’s a long story but probably worth telling. I had the most amazing wee whilst showering this morning, the first for 11 hours. It felt incredible. Those early morning ones always do. Sure you want to hear more?”

“Hmmm, you seem to be enjoying the memory a bit too much. I was rather hoping to hear about the other uses of your… generous package.”

(With that, she took her shoe off and traced her sole up his leg, before finding his crotch.)

“Well I woke at five and couldn’t really get back to sleep. I was excited about meeting you and I’m afraid I couldn’t help giving myself a little stroke. well 20 minutes of gentle stroking actually. That’s how long it takes me to get hard. It’s such a temptation, lying there naked under the duvet.”

“It must be a temptation for anyone near you, just lying there all…”

(Carla suddenly discovers with her foot his nakedness under the coat. She looks aghast.)

“Carla, is everything alright?”

“You kinky sod!”

“Look, I can explain. There’s a story behind that…if you’ll let me continue.”

“Kinky, dirty bastard!” (She extended her other foot out and began teasing, masturbating him with both feet.) “Aaah, here’s the coffee…”

“Carla, if you’ll just let me explain! Anyhow I got up just before seven had a shower and did the most amazing piss. I’d not been since eight last night so my poor old bladder was going to be pretty full. After that I got dressed, fixed breakfast and left my apartment about eight fifty.”

“Anyway I got to the studio where I was filming about 9.45 and we started work at ten. It was great for the first hour or so and everything seemed to go like clockwork.”

(Carla continued stroking him under the table to almost a full, throbbing, boner. She sipped her coffee.) “Mmmm, lovely.”

“Yes it is rather good coffee, isn’t it? Well about eleven I started to feel the need for a wee. Whenever I leave my apartment I know I’ll need to go within a couple of hours or so. It makes no difference whether I’ve used the bathroom just before leaving or not and, as I’d peed at 7 I wasn’t going try and make myself go at 8.45 ‘just in case.’ It ‘breaks the seal’ – no doubt you’re familiar with that expression.”

(Carla continued stroking him, bringing him to full meaty erection. She alternated that with encircling the purple mushroom head, the plumpness of which deeply excited her.)

“I knew there wouldn’t be any mid morning breaks and by twelve I was desperate for a piss, particularly as I’d not stinted on my breakfast coffee – I never do – and I’d drunk a fair amount of water on the Metro on my eryaman escort way in. Anyhow I was bursting for a wee and had a job staying professional. Luckily I wasn’t in any imminent danger of pissing myself. Maybe it’s luck and maybe it’s because I’m a touch pee shy, but I’m one of those lucky guys who can need to go to the bathroom really bad for quite a while before the dam bursts. It didn’t do my concentration any good though and I made a lot of avoidable mistakes, resulting in retakes being necessary. That, in turn, just made the agony worse.”

“Anyhow, filming should have finished by one but it was well after by the time we were done. By then I was nearly pissing myself and in a mad rush to find a bathroom I ran into the ladies and ended up in a stall pissing everywhere but in the toilet. One of the ladies got an unexpected golden shower whilst I slipped and fell, knocking myself out. When I came to I found she’d taken her revenge by relieving me of my clothes. That’s why I’ve no pants on. Fortunately my overcoat was elsewhere in the studio or matters would have been much worse.”

“There wasn’t much time for lunch but some of the crew took pity on me and bought me a couple of pints of Diet Coke.”

(Carla looked up and noticed Jonah’s bladder protruding somewhat. She suddenly realised what the score was.)

“Jonah, you need to piss now, don’t you? I can tell.”

“Yes, Carla. I needed to piss before I left the studio actually. Look do you mind if I go to the bathroom? It’s not the first thing I like to mention on a date but I’m going to have to go soon.”

A wicked grin crossed Carla’s face.

“Sorry Jonah but I think you’re out of luck. I’ve just seen the cleaner go in there and, if she’s thorough, she’ll be a while. You know how gross some people like to be, Besides, I’d love to make you hold, have you squirm just a little. You can hold it, can’t you big boy?”

“Carla I’m not sure about this.”

“I am. Now drink up. We’re going for a walk.”

“But Carla, I need the bathr…”

“Jonah, that will do. You’ve held it this far. You can hold a little longer. We’re going for a walk in the park. It’s not far from here – only a mile or so. If we’re sharp about we’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”


Jonah’s bladder ached and it felt distended like a football. He’d not realised Carla would be like this but realised he had little choice other than to obey so reluctantly he followed. The alternative was pissing in the street and he didn’t fancy a hefty fine or the adverse publicity that would go with it. He had a reputation to protect and his dignity had suffered enough already.

To his surprise Jonah discovered that walking – and he had to be brisk to keep up with Carla – helped to ease his discomfort and his tail was still semi hard from her stroking earlier. That helped to ease matters a little.

Eventually they arrived at the park and Jonah’s relief that he’d somehow managed to get there without peeing was considerable. Carla purposefully led him over to a cluster of trees, beckoning him on as she did. Once they were out of view she knelt down, took his penis in her hands and continued administering the slow, gentle but purposeful strokes she’d used earlier. Before he knew it Jonah realised that not only was he rock hard but she was milking him off. Unable to stop himself cumming if he’d wanted to, Jonah ejaculated, part of his load hitting Carla’s face and part landing on the ground. Waves of relief swept over him as three days’ worth of hot, sticky spunk oozed from his penis.

Carla retrieved some tissue paper from a pocket and wiped her face.

“Gee whiz. That was some load! I bet you feel better for that big boy.”

“Yes but…”

“Well finish the job off then. I bet you’re dying to flush your pipes out.”

Jonah could feel his erection subsiding and his ability to hold his pee any longer subsiding. A couple of large, angry spurts erupted from his tail, hitting Carla in the eye, just as had happened to the blonde woman earlier. She just grabbed another tissue and wiped, clearly unfazed by it. Unable to hold back any longer if he’d wanted, Jonah opened the floodgates and a torrent of pee poured out of his cock. Most of it landed on the ground but Carla did her best to drink as much of the gorgeous amber nectar as she could. It tasted slightly sweet. Maybe there were hints of that energy drink in there he’d consumed earlier. Anyway, it tasted far better than the foul German beer she’d been working on advertising that morning. It came with such force too. Jonah must have been peeing for over two minutes but it felt like twenty. Eventually his stream died to a trickle before stopping. The relief was indescribable. This was what the Brits described as ‘going to the toilet’ big style – except there wasn’t a toilet in sight.

Carla was the first to speak.

“Thanks for that Jonah. I knew you could do it.”

Jonah smiled.

“Carla, I didn’t realise you were into anything like that. It looks as though you’re the kinky one if anything.”

Carla looked at him.

“Jonah can we meet again? I realise this probably wasn’t what you had in mind for a first date and if the answer’s ‘no’ I’ll understand completely.”

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