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When I left the Six Hammers and drove home, I honestly thought the story was over. Yet as I pulled into my street and saw Maddie sitting on the low wall which ran along the front of my apartment complex, that also made a kind of sense. There was no bag and she glowered at me as I parked the car. I got out, locked it and headed along the pavement which led towards her. She sat on the wall as I approached and I guess she was expecting me to stop and talk to her. Instead, I said, ‘Hi, Madeline’ and walked on, taking the keys out of my jacket pocket.
I kept walking and arrived at the front door. I turned the key in the lock and pushed the heavy door open, then looked across at Maddie. She was still sitting on the wall, aghast that I hadn’t stopped.
‘You coming in?’ I called.
Maddie clearly wanted to scream, ‘Fuck you!’ A blind man could have seen that. But we both knew that if she actually said, ‘Fuck you!’ I would say, ‘Fair enough’ and go inside. And that was the last thing Maddie wanted.
Probably grinding her teeth, the young woman forced herself to her feet and walked stiffly over to me. I held the door open and she went in, uttering a fierce ‘Asshole!’ as she entered the building. I followed her up the stairwell, admiring her bum in her mustard-yellow jeans, and then reached past her to unlock my apartment door. I hung my jacket up and Maddie handed me hers, dumping it in my arms before stalking past me into the living area.
The way my apartment is laid out, there is a narrow section near the front door which opens up into a large space. There is a kitchen section to the left as you walk in, demarcated by a marble-topped breakfast bar. Beyond that is the main living room, with a dining table and chairs on one side and the couch, armchair and TV on the other. Maddie stood in the middle of the room, her back to me, her hands on her hips. I came in and turned left into the kitchen section, heading for my fridge.
‘Want a drink?’ I said.
Maddie whirled around to face me.
‘You’re a bastard, Jason!’ she declared.
I opened my fridge and took out a bottle of beer.
‘No!’ she cried. ‘Put that back!’
‘Ordering me around in my own house is not a good move, Madeline.’
Maddie marched up to the breakfast bar, facing me across the counter.
‘I’m not trying to order you around,’ she said. ‘I just want us to talk.’
‘I can drink and talk at the same time.’
‘And I want us to fuck and talk.’
That took me by surprise. I rested the beer on the countertop, still holding it, and looked at her.
‘Say that again?’ I said.
‘I’d like to hear it again.’
‘I bet you would! God, you men! Is there no limit to your ego?’
I opened a kitchen drawer and took out a bottle opener. Maddie snarled in impatience.
‘Jason, you’re the one who said you wanted me to be “your Woman”!’
‘Yes, and your actions said no.’
‘That’s just your interpretation!’
I positioned the bottle opener on the cap and gave her a look. Maddie got flustered and cried:
‘What do you want me to say?’
‘I don’t care, so long as it’s honest,’ I said. ‘But ghosting me for over a week and then saying I’m interpreting that as a no is textbook gaslighting!’
‘Jason, were you seriously expecting me to toss my whole life away just to move in with you?’
‘I didn’t get the impression you had much of a life to toss.’
‘You arrogant prick! What do you know of my life?’
‘Madeline, if I’m wrong, I’m wrong. In which case, I apologise for my mistake and wish you a happy life. Goodbye. The end.’
I popped the cap which skittered over the counter and took a long drink of beer. The cold fizz hit the roof of my mouth and felt absolutely perfect. I did love that first pull of a cold beer. I gave an appreciative ‘Aa-a-ah!’ and looked back at Maddie with a satisfied smile. She scowled and grabbed the bottle off me, putting it to her mouth and turning it upside-down. I watched her swigging my beer, smiling at her attempts to goad me. She really was like a kid and it was kind of fun to piss her off with my infinite patience.
‘Aa-a-a-ah!’ said Maddie, impersonating me.
I saw that the bottle was now empty and she was looking at me with a glint in her eye. It gave me a hard-on. Her gaze flicked down to my crotch, then back up again.
‘So…’ she said. ‘Are we going to fuck or what?’
* * * * *
It was strange. As Maddie and I undressed in silence, I kept thinking about all the reasons she was wrong for me. She dressed like someone trying to be kooky, with her punky hair and loud clothes. I cringed at the thought of introducing her to friends and family as ‘my girlfriend’. Whenever I pictured my ideal woman, I had always imagined an attractive working-class girl who knew something about real life, not this entitled brat who quoted feminist principles without actually living by them.
My mind was busy with these thoughts even as Maddie and asyabahis yeni giriş I climbed naked into bed. I felt her hands on my back as I positioned myself on top and then I pointed out that she was still wearing her glasses. ‘Oops, sorry,’ she said, taking them off and stretching her arm to put them on the bedside table. I smiled at how unsensual and mechanical it all was. There was no way this was going to work.
Then I pushed my erect cock into her already wet vagina, and suddenly I was incapable of thought. That first rush of entering Maddie’s hot and juicy cunt blew my mind, and as I buried my cock all the way to the root, our mouths and hands began ravaging each other. We fucked passionately and thoroughly and when I came deep inside her, my body jerking as I ejaculated, Maddie hooked her arms around me and gasped, ‘God, I love you!’
I held Maddie close, my cock engulfed in flesh and juice and semen. All that existed to my senses was woman, woman, woman. My skin was surrounded by woman, my nose filled with the scent of woman sweat and cunt, my ears tuned in to the sound of a woman breathing. My eyes were closed, but I no longer needed them. I had again that feeling of never wanting this moment to end.
Then I felt Maddie swallow and take a deep breath, steeling herself. I guessed what she was about to say before she opened her mouth.
‘I don’t really love you,’ she said quietly. ‘Sorry. I got carried away.’
I heard her, released a long, long outbreath and held the woman close to me.
‘I love you, too,’ I said.
When I’m this physically close to a woman–cock inside her, limbs wrapped around each other–I can literally feel changes in her emotions. Maddie barely moved, yet I felt a surge of feeling; a burst of longing like a whirlpool of emotion. She may not want to say ‘I love you’, but my God she wanted to hear it. I pressed the palms of my hands onto her skin and said again:
‘I love you.’
‘Don’t say that.’
‘I want to say it.’
‘Because I feel it.’
I shifted my position so I could look down at her. Maddie fell silent. Our hips were still solidly joined, cock inside cunt. Our bodies weren’t going anywhere. But looking into her eyes, I saw that our minds were far from connected. We were circling each other like rival birds of prey. I cleared my throat.
‘Let me be specific,’ I said. ‘My body absolutely loves your body. But my mind has no idea what to do with that.’
Maddie smiled. I felt her legs relax on my backside.
‘I know exactly what you mean,’ she said.
We looked at each other. It occurred to me that there was a ton of things we could talk about. That scene in the pub, her relationship with Conall, my offer to have her move in which, to be honest, I still wasn’t sure about. Yet the way it felt to be both inside and surrounded by her womanliness, all that felt irrelevant — stuff to be dealt with in the morning.
I kissed her.
Maddie’s mouth opened, her tongue inviting me inside. We didn’t stop until her urge to climb on top and fuck me took over and made kissing physically impossible.
* * * * *
It was early morning when I awoke, the grey dawn light filtering through the curtains. Maddie was still fast asleep, her body turned away like before. I liked seeing her there. It felt good.
I slipped out of bed, put on a bathrobe and went to the toilet. I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth, then went to the kitchen area to put on some coffee. Checking my phone, I saw that I had some time before getting ready for work. I drank a glass of fruit juice, then took a couple of coffee cups down from the cupboard.
I heard the bedroom door open and Maddie came barefoot into the kitchen area. She wore her glasses and one of my T-shirts, and she was bleary-eyed and yawning. We kissed and my hand found a bare buttock under the T-shirt — she wasn’t wearing any knickers. My cock started to get hard.
‘Hmmm… you brushed your teeth,’ mumbled Maddie. ‘I should brush mine.’
I took her face in my hands and kissed her deep, my tongue making a meal of the slippery inside of her mouth. When I was done, Maddie let out a deep sigh and hugged me with both arms around my waist, her head under my chin.
‘God, Jason, what are you doing to me?’
‘Want some coffee?’
‘In a minute.’
Maddie hugged me as though wanting to absorb some masculine energy by osmosis. I hugged her back, loving the feeling of a woman who loved being held by a strong man. Was I strong man? The way Maddie held me, I felt like one.
Then it was time to stop.
I relaxed my hold, kissed the top of her head, and slowly moved to separate. There was coffee to be drunk and work to be got ready for. Maddie seemed to understand, yet she was reluctant to let go. She stood close to me, hugging herself and trying to sound casual.
‘Is your offer still open?’ she said.
‘What, for you to move in?’ I said. ‘Yes, it is.’
‘Jason, asyabahis giriş are you sure?’
I poured Maddie a coffee and handed her the cup. There was cream and sugar on the counter, but Maddie sipped it black. It was clear she was still unconvinced.
‘Look, I know it’s a risk,’ I said. ‘We might end up hating each other. But it’s a risk that I’m comfortable taking. Besides, it’s not exactly unconditional.’
‘Let me guess. Regular sex?’
‘Not just that,’ I said. ‘I don’t want to be sharing you with Conall.’
Maddie gave me a look. I busied myself putting cream in my coffee, stirring then sipping it. We looked at each other over our coffee cups. Finally, Maddie spoke.
‘You want me to break up with my boyfriend?’ she said.
‘I want you to choose for whatever makes you happy. If that means you stay with Conall — if that is honestly where your happiness lies — then I’m fine with that.’
‘And what if my happiness lies with having both of you?’
‘What, like in the pub last night?’
Maddie glowered. I returned her glare with a shrug.
‘Madeline, you do what you want. But my offer stands.’
‘Yeah, but only if I break up with Conall!’
‘Of course! I’m not going to make an offer without conditions.’
‘But shouldn’t love be unconditional?’
‘Not for grown-ups,’ I said. ‘Besides, there is a difference between fair conditions and stupid conditions. Don’t you make it a condition with Conall that he not shag Serena Smith?’
I looked at Maddie. She looked back, defiant. I kept looking, not saying a word. Maddie’s defiance started to show cracks. Before she could say anything, I finished my coffee and rinsed the empty cup under the kitchen tap.
‘I have to get ready for work,’ I said. ‘Do you want me to drop you anywhere?’
‘Is that your subtle way of telling me that you don’t want to leave me alone in your apartment?’
Maddie let out a snort of disdain.
‘Men!’ she said. ‘You’re all the fucking same!’
She slammed her coffee cup on the counter and stormed off to the bedroom to get dressed.
* * * * *
After I dropped her off, Maddie went on to repeat her disappearing act. I didn’t bother with an ‘Are you alive?’ text this time. If anyone was going to get hurt, it was Conall.
In the days that followed, I had internal debates about the whole Maddie situation. Part of the problem was that I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Or rather, I already knew what people would say if I did: That I shouldn’t invite a girl to move in just because of the sex. The bottom line was that I was in love with Maddie’s cunt more than Maddie herself, and I knew that my female friends would be offended and my male friends would say I was ‘pussified’.
Yet every time I thought of sending Maddie a text to say ‘The deal’s off’, every cell in my body screamed ‘No!’ I didn’t want to end this. I didn’t mind her ending it–in fact, I would have been relieved–but I didn’t want to end it myself. I liked her. She was an entitled little cow and I liked her. I wouldn’t trust her to keep a promise in a million years and I liked her. She would probably turn my life into a chaotic mess and I liked her.
I liked her.
And I liked who I was when I was around her. I would never have put a past girlfriend on the spot the way I did with Maddie in the pub, but then none of my old girlfriends had ever behaved as badly as she did. Maddie clearly expected her men to give her what she wanted, and it was kind of fun to thwart her at every turn.
And here’s the thing: I think Maddie secretly likes it too. She really is a smart girl and I think she knows, deep down, that getting what she wants when she wants it does not necessarily translate into happiness. I think she knows how almost comically unreasonable she can be. And I think she needs a man who understands that; a man who is willing to stand, not necessarily against her, but for Reason. Yet there was no point talking to her about it. Not because Maddie lacked the intelligence to understand–certainly not–but something in her doesn’t want to be reasonable. And maybe she’s right.
I remembered the moment I had taken a beer from the fridge, fully expecting a drawn-out fight on what had happened at the pub. Hell, I had half my arguments prepared. Yet Maddie had sidestepped the issue by insisting we fuck and… I liked that. I liked how things had worked out. I liked it, even taking into account her present ghosting. I recalled a past girlfriend who insisted on ‘talking things through’ before I was even allowed to touch her, and I much preferred Maddie’s approach.
Still, maybe all this was me justifying to myself why I was in love with a woman’s cunt. Maybe I was thinking with my dick all along. But all my past relationships had been entered into sensibly, with the full participation of my thinking brain, and none of them had made me particularly happy. Most of them asyabahis güvenilirmi hadn’t even been interesting.
So, let’s think with my dick for a change… and see what happens.
* * * * *
I nearly dropped the phone. It had been over a week since Maddie had left my apartment, no contact at all in that time, and then she calls out of the blue to tell me this. I said the first thing that came to mind.
‘Congratulations yourself! It’s your baby!’
‘And how do I know that?’
‘Because Conall and I always use condoms!’
I remembered Conall’s face when Maddie made that offhand remark about having her period. Yes, I believed her. Still, the timing seemed a bit weird.
‘How do you know you’re pregnant?’ I said. ‘We only had sex about a week ago.’
‘And three weeks ago.’
‘But you said in the pub that you’d had your period?’
‘I only said that to piss Conall off. But the fact is I’m two weeks late and my breasts have ballooned. You’re going to be a father, Jason! What do you think about that?’
I stared out of the café window where I was sitting when I took the call. I was expecting to feel panic, anger, an inner voice screaming, ‘No-o-o-o!’ But there was nothing. Well… I had a hard-on at the thought of her breasts.
‘We should talk,’ I said.
‘Damn right, we should talk!’
‘Do you want to come round to my place or would you prefer “neutral territory”?’
‘Don’t be a prick! We’ll come to yours.’
‘Yeah, Conall wants to be part of this.’
I stood up, saw that the café was too full to pace, and sat down again. I wanted to swear loudly.
‘Madeline, are you kidding me?’
‘Would you stop calling me Madeline! How many times do I have to fucking tell you?’
I wanted to shout down the phone that there were more important things to worry about. I wanted to tell her that a grown-up name was, in fact, appropriate for a woman having a baby, and that she was going to have to fucking grow up, whether she wanted to or not. But trying to use reason with Maddie was a fool’s errand at the best of times, and the cocktail of hormones that was currently pinging around her system would just make things worse. I took in a long, deep breath and let it out slowly.
‘Isn’t Conall upset?’ I asked.
‘Well, of course he is! How would you feel if some guy impregnated your girlfriend? Luckily, he’s man enough to get past this.’
‘Yes, really! It’s called “unconditional love”!’
‘Well, it’s unconditional something.’
‘Fuck you, Jason!’
‘I love you, too. Eight o’clock this evening?’
Maddie ended the call and I stared at the phone, wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into. Still, I was in it now, up to my neck. I looked down at my crotch where my semi-hard cock was hiding in my pants.
‘I hope you know what the fuck you’re doing,’ I said.
* * * * *
Maddie and Conall arrived fifteen minutes late. I buzzed them in, opened my apartment door and waited nearby. Maddie came in first with Conall following, carrying a disposable plastic bag which clinked with beer bottles. His rock star hair half covered his face and his eyes made nervous glances around the room.
But it was Maddie who had my full attention. Bigger breasts looked good on her and she walked like a woman who knew it. Her pink-and-white pullover was tucked in at the waist, emphasizing the hourglass figure effect and I saw that her hairstyle was less spiky. She no longer looked like a girl trying not to look ‘girly’; she was unambiguously a woman.
‘Wow!’ I said. ‘You look fantastic.’
Maddie went pink in the face. Conall’s face went red and he glared at me in sullen rage. His mood wasn’t helped when Maddie turned to him and said:
God knows what argument prompted that — maybe Conall had made a disparaging remark and Maddie was now ‘educating’ him. But my respect for Conall, which was never that high to begin with, was plummeting with every second he put up with this. As I waved them into the room and went to the fridge to get myself a beer, I realised that I was beyond holding Maddie accountable for anything. There was simply no point.
Maddie headed for the dining table and waved for Conall to sit as though it were her place. She even told him off for putting the bag of beers on the table. I came over with a bottle opener and some coasters while Conall handed Maddie a bottle from his bag and took one for himself. I sat opposite them, put the coasters on the table–which Maddie made sure Conall used–and opened my own beer first.
‘So, Madeline…’ I said, putting the opener on the table. ‘You’re pregnant.’
As Conall opened their beers, I looked at Maddie’s chest and smiled. I opened my mouth to say something, shook my head and took a swig of beer.
‘What?’ said Maddie.
‘I was just thinking,’ I said. ‘The very first thing I ever said to you was a comment about your tits.’
‘Oh, my God! That’s true!’
She laughed and leaned towards Conall.
‘We met at a poetry evening in a pub,’ she said. ‘Jason was there with a friend.’
‘And you were wearing that awful jumper,’ I added.
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